Dear world:

I am an incredibly bad decision maker, and I think that's because I feel a strong emotional bond with any decision I make. Whether it's picking out the kind of mascara I want or choosing my career path, I take forever to make a decision. I'm a very committed person, and hopefully not in a creepy way. I like to do things right the first time, and I like to be all-in on whatever I'm doing. Example: Last night I went shopping for groceries with one of my favorite people(the Jessup cafeteria freaks me out, so sometimes I like to eat my own food..don't judge me, I'm an nonorganicaphobe.) I also had to pick out new mascara. Is this a life or death decision? Certainly not, however, as I'm standing in front of the endless options all I can think about it 'if I buy this and it sucks, then I'm stuck looking like a 14 year old did my makeup.' or 'if I buy this, and I really like it I won't want to try new things... and I'm not quite ready to be tied down to a brand. What happens if they sell out? Then what?!' then the other part of me says 'Rachel. Calm yourself... it's just mascara.' These problems are especially irritation when I'm grocery shopping WITH someone because I do not want to show the full measure of my awful quirks.

Which brings me to my next non-related subject:

When you don't wring out the sponge after using it to clean your dairy and carb infested plate it angers me severely. Why, you ask? Because when you do not wring out your sponge and leave it sitting in the sink with all the other nasty dishes, it collects mildew... so when you actually take the initiative to CLEAN your dirty dishes, you're not really cleaning them at all.. you're just putting mildew on your moldy food-plate. It's gross and it makes me want to punch you. During midterms last year, in a fit of passive aggressiveness I took everyone's dirty dishes out of the sink, put them in separate bags, and placed them with a bow outside people's doors with a lovely note. I'm hoping I don't get to that place again.

Back to decision making:

What if this doesn't work? What if I'm just supposed to enjoy the moment? What if I'm actually doing things all wrong? What if I'm just over analyzing the crap out of every little thing because I'm scared? I know....just breathe, right? But then comes the OTHER decision! Do I inhale first, or exhale? Long breaths or short ones?

I'll just start with that one...inhale...exhale. Everything is going to be alright. Sometimes I need to remind myself I'm really not that old, and I'm especially not very wise, so I should give myself the credit for at least knowing I do not know..right?

....I need another cup of coffee.


~Rachel~