No, No you don't--and neither do I, and I'm starting to think that's okay because sometimes uncertainty makes you enjoy the present and forget the past. (Holy conjunctions batman.) When you live in the desert long enough, the dirt gets to your brain and you start to believe the desert is a lush forest...which is a crap reality to exist in. The past couple of years have been a bit of a desert for me and my family, what with deaths, transitions, and multiple less than ideal situations--even the desert has it's perks though; you grow rather accustomed to having dry ground. Most importantly, you learn your deep need for Living Rain... you learn your thirst for satisfying Water.
I have been blessed with the most remarkable family on the face of the planet. My parents continual love and grace towards me and my four siblings astounds me; they are saints. God knows if I had to deal with a 16 year old like I was for even a few months I would commit a murder...or something. My parents have modeled what it means to live a life devoted to Christ and family both in and out of the harvest. I have watched them walk through fire holding the hand of Jesus, all the while shaping the lives of their children. When I have children, I hope I can model even a portion of the love and leadership they have modeled to me.
All that aside, I can admit that the past couple of years have been rough. In my personal life, much of the struggle developed out repercussion of earlier choices. However, the other part of living in the desert was just every day circumstance. It's merely been a tough siege, and through that I believe our family has grown together and developed a sense of endurance.
Last year around this same time, I came face to face with my personal need for a rescuer. I reached the place where I could lay my pride aside and just bow lower than the ground to finally kiss the feet of my God. What a life-changing experience it has been to KNOW the Father's love for me and learn to heal in the covering of the scars imprinted by His wounds. I finally feel like I'm coming out of the desert-- it's been a long and dirty process, and saying I feel muddy and gross would be an egregious understatement. Luckily, the thing about Living Rain is it washes away grime so thoroughly you can't even see the stains left by it all. I'm finally experiencing the start of the harvest... I hope I produce at least a pumpkin or two, because I've never carved a pumpkin and I've always wanted to. (That was way off topic, but it's late, and I thought you might enjoy knowing slightly less serious nuggets of information. Anyway.) Suffering in the desert really does make your relationship with the Savior better. I wouldn't trade my breaking-point for the world, because it made me finally 'get' it. I can't count the amount of times I journaled the words, 'How long, oh Lord?' and finally I receive the answer 'We're almost there, my child.'
To refer to an earlier blog entry (#nerd), the difficult part of the pruning process is coming to end, and I'm finally ready to grow some new branches fertilized by the Word of God and watered by the heart of the Trinity,bursting at the seems with yellow lilies (because that's my favorite flower.)
Don't you know what's next? No, no you don't, and neither do I, but that's okay because He knows, and He's got something brilliant up His sleeve. He always does. Hey, hey Jesus... this is all looking pretty good. Thanks for cutting off all my dead branches.
You make all things new; I am a new creation.
Sing, O Daughter of Zion;
shout aloud, O Israel!
Be glad and rejoice with all your heart,
O Daughter of Jerusalem!
The LORD has taken away your punishment,
he has turned back your enemy.
The LORD, the King of Israel, is with you;
never again will you fear any harm.
On that day they will say to Jerusalem,
"Do not fear, O Zion;
do not let your hands hang limp.
The LORD your God is with you,
He is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing.