11 am has always been a confusing time for for me. Is it the morning, or the afternoon? Hmm.
Anyways. I was laying in bed last night around 10 pm wondering why I was so exhausted. I'm usually a pretty big night owl, and I hadn't had too much going on in the day so my exhausted was beyond my comprehension. Then it hit me: I forget how big of an introvert I am. I have family staying in town, and though that has been great, I have not had more than a few moments of time to myself. When I forget to spend time alone, I get worn out. Shocker? It usually is to people who don't know me very well. I'm perceived as somewhat of a social butterfly: I enjoy making jokes, I can be relatively loud and obnoxious, and I don't get sweaty and uncomfortable in large groups (I should say, I don't show that I'm sweaty and uncomfortable.) I'm actually a relatively awkward human being, and luckily I think that works for me most of the time.
I've been thinking lately... how often do we take time for ourselves? Let's all pause and think, "Well how selfish is that?!" But why do we even think that? We all get burnt out every once and a while; especially those of us who work in any sort of ministry. Serving others is the most rewarding, and yet exhausting thing there is. Is it completely selfish and crazy to take a few moments for yourself? To just sit down and enjoy things rather than pacing back and forth? I'm inclined to think not. When I get really involved in ministry, I often struggle when I find myself pouring over the Jesus-time I'm teaching others rather than spending time with Jesus myself. I get wrapped up in the teaching rather than the experience, in the learning rather than the act itself. Lately I've found myself in that spot a lot. I'm spending time and energy perfecting a servant's heart that's not serving itself. In other words, sometimes I'm running on empty and doing nothing to fill up; I'm not spending time ministering to myself. I'm not spending time reflecting, writing, experiencing. But I'm doing a heck of a job telling others to do what I say and not as I do.
For an issue such as this, it's usually not a heart problem, rather, it is a mind problem. Human beings perceive any act of service we commit should only be to serve others. The act of serving self is utterly and completely frowned upon. It is a task meant for the self-serving and lazy. But did not the Lord, Himself take a day of rest? How many of us are observing the Sabbath and keeping it holy?
Certainly not I, and that needs to change.
That's all I got for now. Back to people!...ha.