Blogging in Peets.

I haven't slept over five hours in over three days. I'm a little exhausted--and I wish I meant just physically. But no, that's too simple. I am tired. I am so tired. I have spent the past hour trying to come up with something brilliant to say, but there are never any words that are enough to start the scope of what I'm feeling. This is a brilliant game I partake in, and I don't even know how to opperate the stupid controller. I've been pushing the jump button for as long as I can; my fingers are raw from trying to opperate it correctly. Maybe honesty isn't the best pollicy. And I'm a mere ninteen year old who feels the same as she did five years ago, and I'm not quite sure what that means or what to do.

Maybe I need to order more coffee...

Naw, I have too big of a headache for that. Plus the guy at the peets counter looked at me funy, and I couldn't help feeling like he thought he knew me, which made me look down and avoid the stare into my now-'racoon with rabies' eyes. Sometimes I like to be annonymous; like when I just want to sit down and blog. Don't look over my shoulder unless you're subscribed to my posts. It freaks me out.

Maybe the goal is to not be so sure. Maybe the goal is to just use my hemp body lotion and be chill about it all. Maybe the goal is to not have goals. Ugh. My head hurts. My heart hurts more.

I just need a friend to tell me they love me.

All my italics feel like they should be #hashtags. Maybe I twitter too much. Maybe I'm just tired. Maybe I feel like this is a cycle that I'm caught in. Maybe I feel like I don't really even want to know what I feel. Maybe I feel like the guy behind me needs to shower and stop playing D&D. Maybe I'm judgemental.

I'm going to go have a date with Jesus now. He told me He wants me to go to come sit on His lap and cry with Him. He says that it's okay that my heart hurts. Maybe we'll laugh together (even though, I never understand His jokes.) I'm so glad He likes talking to me. I'm probably going to ask Him what He likes about me. He always has the best compliments.

~Rachel~